Hey, Iran!! Happy Hostage Anniversary, you cocksuckers!!

If  you're under 45 or so, I don't guess you remember when the Iranians took our embassy and our people, and kept them hostage for 444 days.

I remember it, really fucking well.

What I remember even more, is America's cowardly lack of action to get them back and to punish Iran.

Look, you can Google "Iran hostage crisis" and read about what happened and all the details, on-going stories and all of that.  But let me give you the bare details, may I?

Thirty years ago, a bunch of loutish and uncivilized Iranian MUSLIMS took 52 of our people hostage.  The American government only got them back 444 days later, by agreeing to remove the "freeze" put on Iranian moneys and interests in the U.S., and not allowing  the hostages to bring any sort of action against Iran or the United States.

Nothing happened to them.

Plenty happened to us.

This group of islamic revolutionaries, self-proclaimed, supported by a sovereign country, Iran, kidnapped 52 of our people, stole our embassy facilities, with absolutely no repercussions at all. 

The American government, led  by that blister-lipped cocksucker, Jimmy Carter, did nothing.

Ok, well, that's not quite right, he DID broker the deal that got them back, finally.  He gave all the money back to the Iranians that we were holding over their heads, and promised not to let the hostages sue anyone over it.

"...Pursuant to the Algiers Accords, the United States agreed to withdraw its claim against Iran before the International Court of Justice and bar claims arising out of the hostage taking from U.S. courts. Although we understand the frustration of the former hostages, we are bound by this obligation and must continue to honor it, as it was an essential condition of their release from captivity..."

You'll be happy to know, that the United States has STILL not even apologized to the hostages over this.

You know, I'm just a regular guy, but I think a regular guy could have handled this better.

As President Regularguy, I would have gotten on the telephone and called Iran, suggesting to them  that they put our folks on a bus for home right away.  Had that not happened, I would have ordered an oil processing facility destroyed from the air.  If they still didn't show up at the Greyhound depot, I'd double or treble the next hit. 

All   governments, even idiotic and beastly muslim ones,  understand the loss of money and possible wide-scale death and destruction.  With their national income  at zero, with their now-broken oil fields and facilities, and seeing how many times we can make things go boom, I'm thinking the history of this incident would have been a much more satisfying one.

What we have, instead, is the story of how the United States government began to show full cowardice in the face of marauding muslims.

That continues to this day.