Yonder looms the New Year. I suppose I should wax philosophical.

The new year has never been a big deal with me.

Oh, sure, you bet, I used to party my hirsute ass off, back in my yout', but that had nothing to do with the new year, really. It was just partying.  Any excuse was a good excuse back then.

But the part about resolutions and greeting the New Year for what  it might promise, and the new and better way your life will be channeled and all that?

Means nothing to me.

I understand that no one thinks the  New Year holiday is some magical day where everything changes for the better;  rather, a symbol of change and renewal and a fillip to adjust and move your life in ways that would be better for you.  I get all that.

I've just never been oriented to symbolism and ceremony, so it was just another party night.

Of course, as my partying days ended, so did any connection with the New Year holiday. It was just another day.  Sometimes I'd get Happy New Year! calls in the middle of the night, but most everyone hates me, now, so I've not gotten them for a few years.

It's a calm night for me.

Tonight will be, too...but maybe this time it does portend better things for me; truly, a new beginning.

When, in January 2008, I was hurt at work, my entire life was destroyed.  I know that sounds histrionic, and it certainly sounds stilted, because of the stupid way I said it,  but, nay, my friends and spying muslims, it's completely accurate.

In one second, my career was over, my foot and hip were injured beyond repair;  I became an instant cripple, after having very seldom even been sick. My ability to generate money and, hence, survive, was gone.

My life was gone.

Worse, my ability to take care of and protect my young daughter was gone. In fact, for months it was she that took care of me, and still does. Without her help, I'd have been in a convalescent hospital for months.

Her life was pretty well fucked by my accident, too.

Everything I thought myself to be was evaporated in one, slick and greazy moment.

Money, or the lack of it,  became a constant and increasingly heavy stressor, which is now acute.  I'm hanging on by my bloody fingernails...and just.

My emotional health is shot to hell.

It's been hard. Really hard;  still is.  And, yes, I know I'm not the only one to go thru something like this. I'm sure it happens every day...just not to me.


Fuck you and the Happy New Year you rode in on.

Except...that's only one side if it.   And THIS side I've only recently realized, and, in many ways, am still digesting.

I've been a workaholic my entire life.  When I was hurt, I had been working six days a week, 90-100 hours a week, for years.  Three decades...more.  I was voluntarily, chronically sleep deprived.   I resented the times when I had to take a short nap, as an intrusion either on my working time, or my free time, since I had so little of it.  I almost never slept more than four hours a day, often less.

For years.

I hadn't had a vacation since February, 1995...but, that was really no big loss, I didn't know how to relax, or really want to, anyway.

I was my work.

Now?

I enjoy sleeping.  I don't sleep long hours at a stretch, typically 5 hours a night, but often longer. I find myself going to bed really early sometimes, just because it feels good to rest and relax.  No matter how much I sleep at night, I always manage to ENJOY a couple hour nap during the day.

Speaking of "the day," I structure mine completely the way I want it to be.  I get up when I feel like it, nap when I feel like it, go to bed when I feel like it...there's nothing I do that anyone is pushing me to do...and if they did, I'd just tell them to fuck off, anyway.

My life belongs to me, every second of it.  It's a wonderful feeling.

For the first time in my life, I'm beginning to feel relaxed. It's not coming quickly, but it's well on it's way.

Yes, I walk very slowly and not comfortably...but...you know what? I'm NEVER going to hurry again, so who gives a fuck if I'm fast at not hurrying?  Plus, I'll be buying a wheelchair pretty soon, and maybe one of those very cool, but kid-embarrassing,  scooters you see the cripples driving around.  Pretty soon I'll be getting around easier than you guys are.

I know people joke about us gimps getting all the good parking places, but you know what?  Fuck you runnin' if you don't like it.  I think it's great!

Money is as tight as I've ever experienced now, 'tis true. But soon...within the next month or so, that should evaporate, as various funding sources begin to pump their filthy lucre into my bank account.  There are still some legal things to  be settled this coming year, and they will add considerably to my coffers, it is hoped.  And did I add that virtually all my income is tax free? Plus, ain't nobody laying ME off.

My love life is going to take a HUGE swing to the positive this year, as well.  The love of my life will be added to my herd, making my life complete.

OH...plus...my freakishly tall boy and his freakishly short wife are about to have my first grandbaby.  And though things between "the boy" and I have been pretty fucked, he assures me that they both want me in the baby's life.

So, really, THIS New Year offers me a whole new life, maybe a better one to end my strut around the planet with.

In any case, I'm excited, fairly relaxed, considering, and getting relaxeder (COME ON, MONEY!) and...

I find I'm surprised to be anxiously looking forward to my last couple decades.

Who the fuck woulda guessed, you know?

Happy New Year, you people!

Speaking of people who look like they can't be trusted, look at THESE dumbasses.

1966 - 2010 

Talk about pig eyes...look at this guy.

This guy is the head of the Russian space agency.  I'm sure he's a smart man, and all, but lookie them little bitty, close set eyes.

Can't trust people whose eyes you can barely see.  Except blind guys wearing sun glasses.

Of course, how the hell would WE know if they are really blind?

I usually put a dog turd in their donations can, and see if they bitch. If they thank me for my kindness, I know they're really blind.  Then I tell 'em, "Hey, blind dude, some fuckstick put a dog turd in your beggin' can, man."

They're always appreciative.

Of course, who wouldn't be?

Can you imagine being a blind guy, and on your way home from a busy day of begging outside of McDonald's, you decide to stop off for a couple shots of rye.  I don't know for sure, it's been a long while since I've been in a bar, but I don't think they take canine stools as payment for anything.

Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe all blind guys like playing with dog shit.

Years ago, my uncle, Art, drove for Continental Trailways out of the old San Francisco Transbay Terminal.  He told me, once, of a blind guy that seemed to hand around the terminal all the time, that used to feel his guide dog's stools, apparently any time the dog took a steamer.

My uncle thought that was one of the ways the blindy kept check on his guide dog's health.

I think he was just into scat.

Yet one more reason why muslims are morons.

Let's never mind the propensity to blow things and people up, for a minute.  Let's ignore the crushing poverty and  lousy surroundings that most of these people live in. Let's forget the silly-assed crap they believe.

There is NO religion that is more petty or trifling than islam.

Consider...

Over in Malaysia, a mostly muslim country, there is a significant population of catholics.  They, the catholics, were calling god "allah."  That was against the law. Only muslims could call god "allah."

Some catholics got pissed about it, and brought a law suit, nearly three years in the high courts of Malaysia, and they ruled that laws against non-muslims using "allah" was unconstitutional.

I see.

THIS is all you people have to worry about?  Holy shit.

It's this sort of petty bullshit that keep winding these idiots up, and keep them where they are...mostly fucked.

This  silly and childish bickering is meaningless pap, typical, though, of the way these people think, or try to.   Shitting in holes, living in the tenth century, disgusting violence wrought by these people across the globe...and they're fretting over the use of a fucking word.

Assholes and simpletons, the lot of them.