Hey, does being dehydrated make your left arm itch?

And, if it does, does it make it itch about the same time in the afternoon?  Say, right about now?  Can being dehydrated make your back itch a lot?

I dunno, I want to be all cool and shit, so I keep myself right on the edge of collapsing from total dehydration, trying the best I can to get all mystic-ee and gaunt and like that, so everyone will think I’m wise.

So far, all that’s happened is that I itch a lot.

Maybe that would explain why all those Gandhi guys look all leathery and dried up.  Not the itching, the dehydration.

Besides, did you ever notice how all those odd looking, skinny, wizened, Hindu types always live in some godforsaken place where it’s really hot?  You don’t find those kind of people here in California, where we have decent weather.

Maybe the high heat and humidity does something to their brains, along with eating weird Indian food and sitting on a dirt floor all the time. You’d think they’d find something to put over it, wouldn’t you?  Some plywood or banana leaves or something?  

How would anyone ever keep a dirt floor clean? Aren’t they dirty by definition?  Of course they are, they’re made of dirt. 

The other side of that is that you never know when Daljeet has tracked dirt in from the dirt road he just walked down, so that’s a good thing, because all those folks look way too weak to do any cleaning, and, besides, he probably stepped in some sort of animal feces. From what I can tell, it’s all around them.

That’s why all those photos you see on National Geographic’s website always shows big masses of flies buzzing around those third world shit holes like that, because of all the cow and goat and donkey shit all over the place that everyone is too weak to clean up.

That’s not a bad thing, though.

You notice every time you see pictures of starving kids, they always have clouds of flies buzzing around their heads?  That’s because there was a program begun by the United Nations some years ago to develop a taste for fly meat amongst the starving Indian and African  hoards. 

Of course, the African hoards are dying pretty fast of the AIDS, too.  I don’t think flies cure that.

These starving people begin to stink, as they rot in the heat and humidity, as they begin their living mummification project, hoping to turn out looking like Mohandas did,   which, in turn, draws the flies.  All anyone has to do at that point, even if they are too weak and emaciated to fry ‘em up, is just breathe in.  They’ll be drawn in thru the mouth and nose…and, voila…the starving Indian problem is solved.

No, it’s not very appetizing to think about, but these poor fuckers don’t have a Mc Donald’s, Church’s Fried Chicken, and a liquor store on every corner to eat off of, you know what I’m sayin’?

I wonder what it takes to get an export license for food? Because there is a fortune waiting to be made, breeding flies here and shipping them overseas to the third world people for lunch.

Right off the bat, my overhead would be low. I have four dogs, and, though they are small ones, they generate enough shit for a beginning, for a test batch to sell the venture capitalists with.

I can go to a 7-11 and grab on to some Indian guy, pay him $50 to skip lunch, then give Uncle Enore’s Flymeat Flakes a shot in my presentation.  That should do it.

Plus, you know, there are NO shipping charges.

Hey, man, you ever see flies that would sit in one place very fucking long?  Hell, no, you ain’t.  Those fucking boxes of flies wouldn’t weigh shit.  They nearly ship themselves.

Maybe the next step would be Uncle Enore’s  Flymeat Flake Patties.  Now that I think about it, that would be where the money is. They wouldn’t have to be frozen…I mean, what? Flies rot? Please.

Plus, if I were to market them only to refugee camps all around the world, that would seem to be the best thing. No advertizing, no competition…

Hey, asshole, you hungry, or what?  $20…c’mon, c’mon, I ain’t got all day…

I am so glad I was born white and American.