I mentioned the other day that I was thinking of making some New Year’s resolutions, something I have not done for decades, and as I thought about it, the resolutions I had in mind were really life resolutions; things that I’d like to do for the rest of my life.
Look, I’m dying when I’m 87, so that gives me 25 years to live. And, as circumstances would have it, there have been so many changes in my life in the past few years, and so many coming, that THIS New Year looks like it’s the beginning of the rest of my life.
I’m not trying to be maudlin here, or vomit up some inane saccharine bullshit from a bumper sticker, just the opposite. I’ve taken stock of the likely roll of these last 25 years, and I’m pretty well pleased with the way things are going. These resolutions will simply grease that up for me, quite a bit in some cases.
I have to explain here, though, that I’ve taken a rather self centered view of my retirement and “the rest of my life,” and you’ll see that reflected here today. Tough. I have paid my dues, don’t owe anyone anything, and I think I’m going to kiss my own ass for while here, if you don’t mind…and even if you do. And, no, dumbass, that is not to say that I’m not going to consider other people’s feelings or anything even remotely like that, of course I will. It just means that the general tone and form my life is going to take from now on will be one that pleases ME, overall. If others are pleased and happy with it, too, that’s great.
If not…oh well…
These aren’t in any sort of order, some can be put into place immediately, others will take a little more time. Nor should you read anything more into these than are there. I’m not very introspective, and the depths I go to aren’t all that deep. Over all, I’m a pretty shallow person, in acts if not in concept. Just roll with it.
- Exercise daily. I’m good five out of seven days, since I go to physical therapy every day and work out. But it’s closed on Saturday and Sunday and on those days I do nothing. Long term, PT may not be available to me, and even then I will need exercise. I’ve come to realize just how important it is, especially when you’re fucked up some kind of way. This is pretty critical for me, since my orthopedic and muscular health decays noticeably almost immediately if I don’t keep on top of it. What kind of exercise? Walking can be done immediately and daily, with or without going to PT to work out and, though really uncomfortable for me to do physically, it’s good for me mentally, as well. Walking is good exercise. Eventually I’m getting some free weights and a bench so I can do a little bit of the weight training I do normally at PT while I’m home. Exercise makes a huge difference in the quality of my life, and I intend to keep it up and increase it.
- Walk daily. In addition to it being good exercise for me, I’ve always enjoyed walking. But over the decades, what with both a preoccupation with pussy and a severe tendency to workaholism taking place of my real life, the concept of walking because I enjoy walking drifted away, like lilacs on a summer’s eve, or some fool thing. Walking gives me calm, comforting pleasure, and I’d be a fool to deny it to myself any longer. Besides, Molly loves to go for walks.
- Garden again. There was a time when I really enjoyed outside gardening, and there was a time when I really enjoyed growing things indoors in pots. The point is that I enjoy helping things grow and watching them do that, and I love to be surrounded by plants, though I haven’t been for years. That is going to change. Though I’m no longer built for outdoor gardening (thank god for Mexicans) I sure can do indoor gardening just fine. It’ll make me happy. Why not?
- Read fiction daily. It embarrasses me to have to put this on here. It’s dumb and makes me feel like a fool…but…the truth is the truth, and the truth is I don’t read fiction very much at all any more. Yes, I read online constantly, totaling several hours a day, probably, but none of it is just sitting back and enjoying a good, or even a not-so-good, book. I’m not sure how I’ve gotten away from holding a novel in my hands and reading it, since I have read fiendishly most of my life, but gotten away from it I have, and that is going to be remedied immediately. There has never been anything more enjoyable to me than immersing myself in a book. I actually take on the characters in my head, sort of become all of the characters, not just one, and live my way thru the book. Yeah, I know, it sounds fucked up, but it’s a really cool way to be entertained, since I can go anywhere, be anyone, and do anything. All I have to do is read the right book. I’ve always had lots of books around me, and that continues today. I can execute this resolution simply by reaching out my hand. Another “ancient” pleasure zone stimulated.
- Travel when I feel like it, because I feel like it, and how I’d like. I’ve always love traveling, always leapt at almost any chance at traveling, and travelled extensively thru two careers, the last 30 years, nearly, spent travelling for a living, and I still haven’t had enough. For me, I never much gave a shit where I was going, but longer and farther way was always better, since it involved more traveling. Traveling for me has never been about where I was going, only that I was traveling. The modes of transportation that I love are also all mixed up in that traveling thing, being of just as much interest and excitement as the trip itself, sometimes more. For me, it’s always been about the going, not the where to. Those sorts of traveling fantasies are some of my earliest memories, as odd as that may seem. But I have never been able to just wander around, traveling, without any attention being paid to going anywhere. Just traveling for the sake of traveling and looking around at interesting shit. That’s going to begin to change. Molly and I, some sort of camper, and the United States have a date for semi-aimless wandering, which will commence as soon as I am able to do so, hopefully within the coming year, and end when I don’t want to it any more, or I croak. Don’t mean to imply I’m gonna become a Bedouin or anything, wandering continuously, just that when I feel the urge to travel and wander, which I suspect will be often, I’m going to do just that.
- Don’t eat like a dumbass. Look, I’m not going to go into some screed about what I eat and what I should be eating and all of that. I know the way I should be eating, and I’m not doing it. It’s dumb and counterproductive for two reasons. One, I LIKE eating the way one ought, with a balanced diet, cutting way down on the garbage, tending to eat things that are good for one’s health and all of that. Two, because I’m crippled and because I can’t get the exercise that a normal person would, I need especially to watch my diet in order to watch my weight. (My lipid levels and all that blood chemistry numbers stuff are all remarkably in the “perfect” range, by the way. Not perfect for my age group, but perfect for a teenager. Who knew? Teflon veins.) Though this can be accomplished simply, it may be a bit of distance away from “easily done.” I am very self indulgent, always given to immediate gratification, and have quite a taste for shit. Still, I miss eating like a reasonably intelligent person should, and am going to make a concerted effort to get myself where I should be in relative short order. This, apparently, is one of those life-long battles for me, but one what I can now see a direct payout for. Maybe I can get it done over some span of time that ends up being a lifetime. We’ll see.
- Reconnect with my old kids. Over the years I have allowed a gulf, a large one in some areas, to grow between us. I’m not going to go into the situation at all, except to say it is almost entirely my fault and responsibility. I can’t fix all of it, but I can fix most of it, I think. It’s not enough to say you love someone, it’s got to be demonstrated and felt, experienced, in order to be anything other than a concept. Some things I can do immediately, others will take a bit more time…and, oh, my, will you look at that. One lives a 7 hour drive from here and the other one lives in North Dakota. Traveling, anyone? To say nothing of my son and daughter in law…and my very own grandbaby, The Princess Daphne. Showing all my kids and grands that I really do love them can’t be a bad thing for anyone, can it?
- Relax and commit to my girlfriend. I don’t talk about her much here on The Emporium, mostly because my blog isn’t tilted in that direction. But note the tone of the one time I did talk about her. CLICK THIS Note that the tone is light, jocular, flippant, and almost entirely sexual. Note that there isn’t really any sense of commitment in that entry? All there is to that post is me playing off her obvious good looks. That I love her wasn’t really evidenced very well, either, I don’t think. All of that was just me at a time when I wasn’t interested in nor capable of committing to her or anyone in any real sense. Plus I was kind of afraid of it, just to show you I’m human and some times my balls retract a little. My understanding of myself has now shifted and made me smarter, always a good thing, since it could go the other way, and I can admit to myself and to Tina that I do love her, want her, and need her in my life.
You know, I think that’s it. I think those are the things that I need to accomplish in my life to make the rest of my time here, he said gesturing at the cosmos, enjoyable and worthwhile.
Those are the things I need to be about as happy as I can imagine being.
Happy New Year, you people.
