Sunday Morning Sermon: Allah instructs the Muslimites not to mutilate their penises; the Muslims invent foreskins 4,000 years ago.

First, I’d like to thank you all for attending services today, not that we’re actually having any. But, if we were, here you’d be to take part. As it is, I do have a fine sermon ready for youse, we’ll have to let that do, won’t we, hmm?

You might wonder what this uncircumcised penis has to do with God, and what God has to do with Allah.  You wonder that, because your study of the Bible has been incomplete, and your understanding of the true history of the writing of the Bible is, therefore, incomplete and inadequate, as well.

But you people sitting here listening to me, you people are different, you want the truth, you seek the truth, and the need for it burns inside you.  Am I right? This is why you are all here in the Temple of the Enorites, to hear the truth, the truth as it is laid down in the missing book of the Holy Bible, Jehosephat.

Jehosephat was left out of the Bible when King James wrote it because of an error in translation from Aramaic to English.  “Jehosephat” was mistranslated to “Joseph was fat,” instead of the correct translation, “Gee, ho’s be fat.” Since James thought the Enorites were being sacrilegious  and calling the step father of the Baby Jesus fat, he decided to leave it out.

And there you have it.

Because of that omission, most people don’t know that Allah used to work for God as a sort of aide-de-camp, but they got into an argument; sadly, it was a labor relations problem. God had been kind enough to give Allah a prayer break once a day, with pay, mind you, but Allah wasn’t happy with that, and over time he Jewed God up to five prayer breaks a day, and then God got pissed and fired his advantage-taking ass.  This is spoken of plainly in the Bible. In Jehosephat 3:16, we read…

Fucketh ye who fucketh thee, sayeth the Lord.  And the Muslimites and their demented leader, Allah, were set upon the sand countries; roam the dunes, did they, live in caves did they, shit in holes, do they.  And the Lord saw that it was good, and who are YOU to argue, sayeth and asketh The Lord, rhetorically.

As they roamed what would soon become the third world shithole that all of the mid east is, they began to realize just how badly they had fucked up, since wasn’t nuthin’ there for ‘em to eat,  you understand. Just sand and camels, and so soon…

…um…wait a minute…

I’m tired of the Enorite/Jehosephat  bit, for some reason, and am going to terminate it. That happens sometimes, because I never think these ramblings thru all the way.  I just yammer with an idea in my head, or yammer without one, and my fingers take it from there.  And sometimes I get bored, like today.

Look, where I was going to go with this, in some fashion, was to tell about how the Iranians invented yogurt 4,000 years ago, or so, and connect that with the muslims being uncircumcised and their coagulated and cheesy smegma being the source of the yogurt…and then morph that into them inventing burkas so the women could do all the yogurt culturing, and talk about what has to be their cheesy, smelly twats under all those clothes in that fucking heat of theirs, and the yogurt and cottage cheese produced there.

And, while all that’s true, or would have been when I finished making it up, who wants to hear about it, any more than I want to write about it, as it turns out?

Still, you did get to see an uncut penis, that’s something.