I’ll be damned if I’m not getting ready to venture off again, this time heading north to Portland. That’s in Oregon. It’s also in Maine, but not the real one. There are probably other places where there are Portlands, but I’m not going to any of them, either. The one in Oregon, up north. That’s where I’m going.
Well, to eat at food trucks. Why else would anyone drive 600 miles thru the mountains? I kid you not, check this shit out…
Oh, yes we are, too, gonna eat at every one of those 400 carts, or however many we can and not puke.
Well, wait…I’m getting ahead of myself…
The real reason I’m going to Portland is to have an excuse to take The Lesbian on a vacation with me, since that has never happened before. Let me put it differently; Jeny has never been on a family or any other kind of good ole fashioned vacation. Not once that I can think of, and if there are isolated instances, they weren’t with me. I was always too fucking busy working to spend that kind of time with her…sigh…
Alright, so I can’t do anything about the past, but I can take my kid to Portland to eat ribs, and that’s what I’m gonna do. Forgetchur Paris and New York, never mind the Mexican Riviera, I’m takin’ MY baby to a food truck in Oregon.
Yes, it does sound kind of lame, but the truth is that Jeny and I both have an interest in food carts and trucks, both from a grub and a business vantage. We are both looking forward to sampling all sorts of foods off them, probably splitting orders just so we can taste more, and both of us would really enjoy selling food from one of them. Jeny has “cooking food” thoughts along those lines, though I don’t think she’s quite sure what grub to cook and sell. And I’ve wanted a hot dog cart for decades…and there’s gotta be hot dogs there, right? So…you know, those things are draws for both of us.
Besides, we’ll have the dogs, Molly and Cupid, with us. What the fuck else you gonna do with dogs along, you know?
So we’re gonna take the dogs, grab some food, find a place to sit and eat it, and mock the assholes walking by, or talk about the hot chicks eating lunch (one of the many advantages of having a queer daughter.)
Speaking of such things, I’m going to be in a pretty good position to get cast-off pussy, too. Well, look, both dogs are little and cute and babe magnets, and all girls want to jump Jeny, and we’ll be in my car, which also seems to be babatized some kinda way…so I’m figuring I should be able to grab a little splash back myself, you know?
Oh, tsk, tsk…I keed, I keed…you know…keeding…unless I get half a chance…
I may as well fess up.
Though I would have been perfectly content to take a long drive for a sammich off a food truck, I didn’t think Jeny actually would be, so we are gonna do one or two other things whilst we are out venturing around the Great Northwest, as those people call it, or en-route to there.
Here is the plan, and it’s a loose one. (However, if you’re muslim and trying to track me down, or some homicidal fucking lunatic who wants to rape and kill us, you this will probably help some.)
Saturday morning we’re gonna leave and head to a big ole Injun casino in a place called, “Corning.” I’ve never stopped there, but when working I watched it being built and grow, as I ferried noxious chemicals up and down the big road, across the highways and byways of America, at least the one that runs right in front of this joint, Interstate 5. They are having some big hurrah up there Saturday all day, beginning with a hot air balloon launch at dawn. Jeny told me to forget it, we can see hot air balloons on fucking YouTube, and not have to get up at three in the morning.
Ok, well, it’s hard to argue with that.
So we’re gonna blow off the hot air balloon sunrise, damn it, opting instead for gorging at their buffet at lunch time, and then enjoying the old car show they are having all day. Jeny also informed me that she should probably try her hand at some slot machines…”…and I wanna learn how to play craps, daddy…” Yeah, well, they’ll give you an education, alright…
And then, some time after we’ve eaten all their food, seen all their cars, and been asked to leave by the casino people because we’ve won too much for one day, we’re gonna head up the road to Ashland, Oregon, just a few miles north of California where, on Sunday evening, we will see, “As You Like It,” at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. It’s shown in an outdoor theater, which is gonna be cool…and probably cool, too.
I’ve found a dog sitting service up there, of good repute, the owner of which I’ve spoken with at some length, and both Molly and Cupid will be going there Sunday afternoon, to be picked up after the play that evening.
Then on to Portland the next day, Monday, for a day or two of wanton gorgery, if that’s a word. And if it’s not, it sure should be.
We’re going to head home from Portland, but I think I’mma take her along the Columbia River gorge so she can wave at Washington across the river, but also because it’s a beautiful drive thru gorgeous scenery.
We’ll run I-84 to Biggs Junction, then down 97 thru Bend and Klamath Falls to…you guessed it…Weed, California, where Jeny will, I am sure, need to lean up against a town sign for photographs and all of that.
Weed is where marijuana was invented I think.
As you can see, by the time we hit Weed, we will have come back round to I-5, and can head home from there, just a few hours down the road.
I’ll be just fine with this, as will the dogs, but I have some question about how Jeny will do. She’s pretty easily bored, and I can see where that might be a problem. But she doesn’t seem to think so, not that we’ve discussed it directly from that point of view. But she has said she was excited about our trip, and that’s a good thing.
And, if she gets bored and pissy after all, hey, I’ve worked all over this area. I know all the truck stops where I could sell a short lesbian for a pretty good price, not to put too fine a point on it.
Hey, I’m just sayin’, is all…